You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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