Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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