I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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