My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
