There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
