i think my mom watched the whole time
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize