Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
