why im i the only drunk person in the library?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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