who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
