I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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