I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
