Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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