i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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