I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
