So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
