can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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