i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
