Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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