Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
