so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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