I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
