Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
