NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
