I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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