So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
