there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize