Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
