Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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