I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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