I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
