She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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