I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
