He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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