he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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