Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
