I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
