For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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