you traded sex for a burrito?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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