my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
