I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
