so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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