oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
