yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
