I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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