I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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