I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
