Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
