Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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