drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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