he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize