And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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