I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
