yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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