I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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