You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize