i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
