I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I deserve this hangover.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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