Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
