Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
