He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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