Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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