out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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