If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
nutella sex= disaster
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
