You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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