I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
