I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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