Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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