eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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