If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
