So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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