the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
