Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
