I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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