Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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