and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
