connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
