Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
