I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
