yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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