If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
