Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
