Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
