How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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