YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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