No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Houston, we have a squirter
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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