giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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