he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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