He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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