Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
