I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
