Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
