Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
